Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
