so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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