When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
