she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize