I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
