i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize