Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
