She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
