You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
