I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Oh god it's open bar.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
