Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
