u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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