I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
where are you?
Hypothermia
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize