these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
