I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
