some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
