she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize