boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
