can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
