Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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