also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
