i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
