my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
