Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
