i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Farmville is her only friend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
