True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
