So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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