I need to stop coming to work sober
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
