I look better un-naked...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
