So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
