Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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