you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize