I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
