i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize