my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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