apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
