didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
