my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
