Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize