If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
