just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
