I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
