did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
