I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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