I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize