My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
