Three words: puerto rican gang bang
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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