i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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