Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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