At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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