Don't you send me to vm
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
