I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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