I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
