Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
