i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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