There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
