Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
