What a fucking waste of an outfit
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
