I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Don't make out with my wife yet
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
