it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
