Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
