he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
