That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
