i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
