yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
