The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
