everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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