so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
