I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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