I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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