I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Congratulations! We have a period
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
