I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
