To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
